South Africa: Chapter I

South Africa… The grandest adventure to date. (That is, on Semester at Cruise)
Following suit with my usual disposition towards life I realized that if I were to have any understanding of this country in the sparse seven days that I had allotted to me I would have to act fast and live large. So Thor (well Dan but the Thor Loki dynamic lives on… I’m Loki in case you didn’t immediately pick up on the similarities…) young Paige and I took off into the African wilds. Our goal… the majestic Addo National Elephant Park. Our constant guide “Lonely Planet” told us about Addo, a place where you get to the gate and rent a horse for one hundred Rand (in US currency something like 16 dollars). Then upon your new steed you ride about the park amidst the Zebra and Elephants while the theme to the Lion King plays on loop.
We left that night around 0600. After 12 hours of South African bus and another four of random sudo-bus, plus some 11 km. of walking what we found was Addo National Retirement Park. Where the wealthy tourists of the world go to die among elephants. This was devastating, not only because the immortal Lonely Planet had lied to us, but because I mean seriously these people were old and withered. It was like watching dehydrated food products pushing them selves around the Disney Land of Africa.
I wept.

Never the less we decided to give it a go. While we had no car in which to travel through the park and we couldn’t afford any of the horse back safaris we could afford a camp site. That is to say that we could pool all of our money to rent for one night a ten by ten patch of gravel upon which to sleep. At least we found one with a tree so that if it rained we could at least give the lightning a better chance of striking us and keeping us warm as we huddled together exposed to the elements.
As night descended we found a small trail leading off the beaten path marked “Game Trail”, I hadn’t played Monopoly in while so Thor and I decided that it might be worth a go. (If you didn’t get the subtle humor of that last line then stop reading this page now, it really isn’t worth it.) In a matter of minuets we encountered a small trail marked “Do Not Enter” so of course we took it. I mean come on. Following our trail as it coiled through the spiny brush looming over our heads we crawled like plump field mice through the thick air of African night. When with out warming a gentle murmur alerted us of a 14 foot tall fence a few yards in front of us. With steel posts the like of tree trunks connecting wire cable the size of a man’s fore arm supporting a system of fourteen periodically placed humming wires we were confronted by a fence strangely reminiscent of Jurassic Park. Along its pulsing border was a path for the rangers.
Motivated by curiosity (a bad sign), a desire for adventure (and increasingly worse sign), and our own poverty (not unlike the apothecary in Romeo and Juliet or the peasants of the French Revolution) we followed the trail. Thor armed with his head lamp, I sporting a handsome camera capable of blinding a bat and both of us armed with the fact that we could easily out run Paige. We walked for some distance after ensuring that if we fell over (because that happens all the time…) we wouldn’t end up as a cooked treat for our carnivorous friends rotating conveniently on the electric fence. I plucked a blade of grass and laid it across the wire to test its current. Finding it to be mild I was both comforted until I looked through the wires to the darkness of the African plains smiling back at me with shrouded fangs. Still we marched on.
We didn’t have to walk long until we soon came upon a crashing sound in the bush. I cocked my camera and readied for the charge when a massive heard of Elephants came slowly plodding into view some forty yards away. They were on their way to a local watering hole illuminated by a lamp post near by and were soon joined by a herd of Water buffalo. My companions and I sat down and began clicking shots of our new found companions. After sitting there for a while captivated by the majesty we made our way back to our tree.
When we returned we all sat down and pulled out our meager food and tallied our supplies. While we were eating peanut butter and bread I decided to visit our neighbors. A pair of couples in their mid-fifties traveling trough South Africa. They were South African but had never taken the time to see their own country and finally found the time. They invited us to coffee and we ended up talking late into the night. They were thrilled to meet people so young with a passion to understand the world and such a bold spirit of adventure. One of them told us that her own son was hesitant to even leave town let alone go abroad. Realizing that we had nothing to repay them with I offered that we could repay their kindness and act as guides our even just offer a place to stay should their children ever come to the states. Delighted they accepted.

That night I laid out my towel (thank you Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy) and prepared for the long night. I woke up around 0300 freezing and looked over at Paige wearing all of her extra clothes and balled up, and then I saw Thor with his shirt off snoring loudly as he hung out of his thermal sleeping bag. I reached into my pack pulled out a few of the heaviest cans of peaches and a bottle of water we had purchased and put them in Thor’s pack. I put on another shirt curled up and went to sleep.
When dawn came slowly grunting to the Savanna like the warthogs some ten yards away we packed up our belongings and bid farewell to our new friends and began the long march towards Addo. Paige shivered and said “God I slept terribly” Thor smiled and began happily chatting about what a wonderful night he had. Paige and I just looked at him as he made polite commentary about how hot it was with his sleeping pad and bag. We began hitchhiking and we fortunate enough to get picked up a few kilometers from the park. A young man who worked at the park was only too happy to make conversation as we rode along. He himself used to have to hitchhike a few months before because he was feeding his family and couldn’t afford a car. We talked about how difficult it was to get a ride and the heart of South Africa until at last we arrived at the township of Addo and he dropped us off. As we waved good by I miss stepped and felt something strain around my fifth metatarsal. Great… now we were screwed. We had some 1600 miles left to go to get to Cape Town and almost no money… and I went lame. We stopped for a few more supplies and I did what I could to bind my foot.
We ended up walking through some of the poorest parts of South Africa along the highway with convoys of people from the townships marching the 10 to 14 km they had to go every day to find work with bundles of wood, textiles, and produce on their heads. We spoke about their homes and life. After a while (some 47 cars later, all BMWs or Mercedes) we decided to try something new. So I taught them the Sea Shanty of Luck. When we finished the chorus a small truck pulled over. Thor and Paige jumped in the cabin in back and I rode shoty with Greg Nelson, the distant relation of Lord Admiral Nelson. Ironic I know.
Regardless, he took as far as Port Elizabeth where we managed to find a cheap bus to the township of George. When we finally arrived in George it had been three days without a bed. We began our walk towards the outskirts of town looking for a park bench when a taxi pulled up along side us and called “Eh, you missed it.”
We just stared blankly at him. “Back packers?” he questioned undeterred by our silence. “Yes?” I ventured. “Op in, free of charge, I’m on my way that way anyow.” We did and he took us to a youth hostel where we found beds, coffee, and a hot shower for ten dollars. The next morning was a particularly bright one and things looked up. We found out where the nearest bank was and went to change the last of our money into rand so that we could get a bus back to Cape Town.
Walking into the bank I pulled my emergency one hundred dollar bill out (as it was the last of what we had) while Thor tried to pull some money out of the ATM. Paige had only a little bit left. I was waiting for the attendant to return when Thor comes raging up and tells me that Semester at Cruise had charged his card for his expenses when we got into Cape Town leaving him with nothing. He and Paige looked at me with expectant eyes. “Oh, so I am buying the tickets back then?” I questioned. They continued staring. “Ok…” I was cut off by the clerk returning and announcing in her Fran Drescher way “Forfeit” “
“I beg your pardon?” I asked.
“Your bill, I can’t take it, it is counterfeit.” She stamped something and looked away.
Can you all see the expression on my face? I hope so, it was a shame to have missed it as she handed me my bill back. It only got better with the next three banks. Yeah…
Paige looked at me and asked “So how far do we have left to make it before Cape Town?”
“About 900 miles left.”
“How much do we have” Thor asks. We took a moment to count.
“A little under two hundred Rand (33.3 dollars USD)”
We looked out the window.
Thor wept.


…to be continued…