Death Looms on the Anatares

“Death Looms on the Anatares”

As Autumn begins to burrow her way into the soft pink flesh of the crew of SEA 202 a conflict began to grow with the trudging diligence of a basement fungus eating its way through the food stores. Recently in their charming little cottage team “A” house was prying their feet off the sticky mess that was once their kitchen floor as muffled moans of disgust emanated forth from the first floor bathroom. Ashley emerged to announce that the toilet bowl was filled with stale urine and toilet paper. Worse yet, it was brimming with the wrappers of toilet paper rolls and had managed to secure a three foot entrenchment of encrusted urine around its base. Before we even had time to quell our gag reflexes Wayne held up a pan of stew that had been multiplying in the kitchen sink for an incalculable amount of time.

The counter was already littered with the empty remains of Nyquil bottles and cough drop wrappers for the plague had begun to spread with alarming speed. The time had come to act. With throats developing promising careers as bacterial cultures and fevers higher than pulses in the Wednesday night YMCA geriatric pool aerobics class there was an unspoken thought that something must be done. The first thought was to marshal some sort of cleaning regime so as to prevent further civilizations from forming in the moist section of our house. Secondly we deemed that the first floor bathroom should be sealed shut any time we expected members of team “B” house or team “C” house to come over to visit “Jack” or “Carlo”. Should they be able to mount the daunting second floor stair case to use our upper facilities then we would assume that their agility and clout would be sufficient to allow them to also possess accurate aim. There by ending our need to lay down newspaper around the toilet. And thirdly we deemed in necessary to resurrect a mopping formation from my old days in the service of the Emperor back at Little Caesars. Now armed with color coded push pins on a weekly schedule mounted firmly in the main hall, and with a new found zeal for combating bodily fluids we strapped on latex gloves (provided handily enough from my Wilderness First Responder Pack) and readied to launch our assault on poor house keeping.